Thursday, March 13, 2008

what your waitress is really thinking

How the conversation happened:

ANNOYING GUY AT TABLE 30: EXCUSE ME!!! Can we have more bread????
ME: Sure.
ANNOYING GUY: I'm sorry we keep bugging you and I know you're not even our waitress. It's just that, well, you're always here!
ME: No worries!
ANNOYING GUY: You don't hate me, do you?
ME: No.
ANNOYING GUY: Good, because if you did, it would break my heart!

How the conversation happened in my head:

ANNOYING GUY AT TABLE 30: EXCUSE ME!!! Can we have more bread?
ME: No. Aren't you concerned about your carb intake? This is your fourth basket. I'm shutting you off.
ANNOYING GUY: I'm sorry we keep bugging you and I know you're not even our waitress. It's just that, well, you're always here!
ME: Yes. That's because serving bread to nerds like you is what I was born to do.
ANNOYING GUY AT TABLE 30: You don't hate me, do you?
ME: Yes. Unreservedly. I hate even the very sight of you. I can't explain why, but I do.
I cast him a withering look and all you can hear is the sound of his pathetic little heart breaking into tiny little bits. It sounds like hundreds of pennies cascading from a broken piggy bank, scattering all over the floor.

2 comments:

unabashedgirlygirl said...

Hahahaahahaaa!

Clearly, you must be a saint to have such patience.

Lys said...

I agree with unabashed. That was one of the things I detested about waitressing - the questions of those that were not in my station - and they were repeat offenders! One or two I was cool with - random annoying interruptions, notsomuch!