Thursday, May 29, 2008

my new work spouse

Tonight a man in an eggshell colored suit waved me over from the bar to compliment me on my hair. '"I have to say, it suits you perfectly," he soliloquized. "Where do you get it cut, somewhere around here? It's beautiful, it's fabulous.

I assumed he was gay, but should have thought twice about it I suppose. As he sat there at the bar and got drunker and drunker, I noticed that each time I walked by, he kept looking at me. Eventually, after imbibing enough alcohol to be *truly* bold, he waved me over, out of my way, to tell me he 'had to tell me something': "I don't want to interrupt your work so come over again when you have a second, okay?" he said. Sure thing.

About an hour later I noticed that same man talking to Juanito at the bread table. They were conversing very quickly in Spanish - I suspect I know what this is about, I thought. Really? Tonight? Does this have to be happening to me tonight? The problem is, I really know only one way to diffuse situations like this, when the drunk man decides it's time to hit on the waitress: act flattered but not TOO flattered, lest drunk guy misinterprets your body language and decides that you love him back; politely explain that I'm not interested because I have a boyfriend but imply - obligatorily, mind you - that if I wasn't taken I'd love to share a drink because he's quite a catch!; and generally just smile and nod the whole damn time trying to pretend that I don't want to just crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment.

But when he walked away so did Juan, as though nothing had happened at all. Huh, maybe tonight I'm off the hook? I thought.

Fifteen minutes later, Juan came up to me and said, "Mona, that guy over there are Bar 4 says he is in love with you."

"Juanito, did you tell him you are my boyfriend and you're going to kick his ass if he doesn't stop staring at me?"

Juan said no, but I encouraged him to, in the future, tell people we're married when situations like this arise. Juanito jjust laughed at me, but I totally want him to be my work spouse.

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