goodbye, blog 365

So, if it isn't obvious, I've completely fallen off the Blog 365 wagon.

Well, that's not exactly true. It's more like I jumped off the Blog 365 wagon. I first conceived of the notion a few weeks ago, while looking through some recent blog posts in search of some bit of wisdom I'd spewed out into the ether at everyone (or no one) out there in blogland. As I scrolled through entry after entry, with titles like Cookin' with Coolio and Hancock I realized: hardly any of the posts I've written as of late have anything to do with the topic of this blog.

I started this project as a way of exploring the boundaries of identity. And I will say this: when the project began, I was deep in the throes of an identity crisis. I was on the cusp of a break-up with my then fiance, my mother was undergoing treatment for breast cancer, and I was underemployed in a job that I hated. I was seeing a therapist and taking anti-depressants, and my life was pretty much as shitty as it had gotten to that point. I really didn't want to be me anymore. So I decided to become a different person, a new, blonde person, hoping that maybe then, my life would be different.

So, that all happened. And thankfully, life did change. But it occurred to me as I scrolled through those meaningless posts about coolio and hancock that a) I've left a good portion of that growth, reflection, and change out of this blog, for various valid reasons, but still, I'm wondering if I've kept whatever readers I do have from getting a chance to read the good stuff, and b) if I can't think of anything else to say besides "Coolio can get a book deal, why the hell can't I", should I really be saying anything at all? And then there is the fact that people seem to respond to this thing most when I write about waitressing -- does that mean I should be calling myself the undercover waitress? In a way, I've been having another mini-identity crisis as it relates to this blog.

So sorry Blog 365, you had to go. I determined that the pressure to write every day regardless of what I said or how I said it, in my opinion, has watered down my content. It's also led to some good fun material, so let's hope I can strike up a nice balance going forward. You just might not get it every day, okay?

Sometimes a blonde's gotta rest, too.