Thursday, January 17, 2008

the smoke alarm

chirp.

My smoke alarm is broken. Or it needs a new battery. Or something.

chirp.

I don't really know, and I don't really care. What I do know is that I can't reach it. I'm tall, so that misfortune usually doesn't happen to me. I can usually reach things.

chirp.

In fact, with the help of a chair, I can reach every tall thing in my apartment. Every tall thing except the smoke alarm. Every silent tall thing, that is.

chirp.

Don't think I haven't tried. I have dragged every chair we own into the hallway. Even the ones with wheels, which I have attempted to still with boxes.

chirp.

I have tried stacking our Ikea stepstool on top of a chair. I couldn't get it to stay up there for more then ten seconds, let alone with me on top of it.

chirp.

I even considered putting on four inch heels and getting on top of a chair. Then thought better of that.

chirp.

I then called my landlord. He is at work today, his wife told me, but he will be sure to come and fix it tomorrow.

chirp.

In the interim, I am stuck with the chirp.

Home. Alone. On a day that was intended for serious writing.

And every five seconds:

chirp
.

A matter of fact, glaring chirp.

Fuck you, smoke alarm, I think.

I stuff ear plugs in my ears and keep working.

chirp.


5 comments:

maryliz said...

the smoke alarm at work is doing the same thing...all freakin day.

Anonymous said...

Get on a chair, take off the cover of the smoke alarm, and remove the battery. You are hearing a low battery signal; remove the battery and the sound stops.

The alarm is dysfunctional as it is now, so taking the battery out won't put you in further danger...

Anonymous said...

oops. didn't see the thing about the alarm being out of reach.

friend with a ladder, perhaps?

Ems said...

That happens to me, a lot, and usually in the middle of the night. I am a person with a fairly short temper and it's even more so in the middle of the night. I usually take a broom, mop or whatever's nearest and then I whack the darn thing. Hard. I've had to buy 4 new smoke alarms - 1 for every flat I've lived in. What can I say - it works...

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