Saturday, December 27, 2008

Another year

Another blonde year is slipping away, and it has me feeling oh-so pensive.

The fact is, 2008 has been nothing like I'd expected. The Undercover Blonde book proposal was shipped out the door in January/early February and a few short months later, a LUPEC Boston book proposal was also in the works. Both were ultimately rejected by the most likely buyer.

I kept my chin up as the book publishing industry tailspinned (tailspun?) into crisis. Then capitalism tailspinned into crisis. Now it's a Depression. Or almost. Whatever it is, the economy is bad. A few weeks ago my agent dropped my book projects, a sensible move as nothing was really happening with either. But it certainly didn't seem to bode well for my humble little book projects. Or my confidence.

It's not the lack of interest in the book version of Undercover Blonde that has me down -- I work in publishing and understand entirely how that game works. What is more troubling is the fact that I'm not really sure what to do with this project anymore. I'm so goal-oriented, so planning-obsessed, you change my agenda or my end goal and I'm like a ship at sail without a captain. It's left me feeling ambivalent and worried and kind of depressed. All I want to do is listen to Studs Terkel interviews with Great Depression-survivors and contemplate exactly how little money I'll be able to live on when everything grinds to an economic halt. All fantastic excuses to not be ambitious.

Then the other day it hit me: perhaps my lack of direction stems from the fact that this project is kinda done? Undercover Blonde was born out of an identity crisis rooted in a bad break-up with my then-fiancee and deep disatisfaction with my job. Both the job and the Ex are now long gone (though vestiges of both occasionally surface, which is always fun) and I no longer feel quite as confused about who I am as I did back then. I also feel very well situated and satisfied with my current hair color, and confidently steeped in my chosen blondeness.

Is it possible that I've attained the goals I set out to achieve when I started this blog? And if that's the case, whatever shall I continue to write about?

I guess we'll always have my waitress rants. As the economy continues to suck, I am as dependent upon my waitress pennies as ever.

I suppose we'll always have Toro.


Frogger said...

Hang in there! This year didnt quite add up to anyone's expectations, but we have next year... and a new project on the horizon...

Kitty said...

Thanks, lady! On the upside, a mixed bag of a year is better than a total shit-storm of a year.

Here's to '09, and new projects!

laura said...

Oh please keep up with the waitress rants! I finished up my season (the inn where I work closes for the winter)just in time to keep from going nuts! Nothing like ending your year with tons of Christmas parties involving some people who only get out once a year! And life never works out the way we plan; it's how we react to it that counts.

Anonymous said...

UB- you are going to have a great 2009 and it is all about the lessons that we learn, right? Happy New Year!

Phantom Blonde said...

I find the waitress rants very educational. I'm learning to be a better customer because of them.

You know, I judge the men I date by the way they treat waitstaff. If a man's a turd to the waiter or waitress, there is no second date.

You know how I feel about the blonde posts. I love them. But then...I'm blonde. And damned proud! LOL!!! Chin up. Always.

Maureen said...

Oh, you are so fabulous and I am sure your next book project is waiting to be discovered by you!!!! I can tell how you've grown missy- and that's always worth writing about!