Wednesday, August 01, 2007

toro blondes: the epilogue

She came back! The ethereal blonde in the shirtdress from this post written over a year ago came back to Toro last week! And I waited on her!

One of the great benefits of conducting this hair color experiment while working as a waitress is the constant stream of first impressions it offers. The people that I wait on have no idea who I am, what I am all about, and even if they did know how absolutely fascinating my glamorous life truly is, they likely would not care. They just want to eat some tapas and get a little buzz on. So, if their first impression is that I am a dumb blonde, they have absolutely no impetus to put on social airs or politesse. Usually they feel free to treat me as such. And I feel free to immortalize their obnoxious behavior on this blog. It's a win-win situation, so far as I can tell.

One of the great drawbacks of conducting this experiment in a restaurant is that usually, I never get to see these clowns again. They remain emblazoned in my memory and on this blog as their first impression. Sometimes, though, the stars will align just right, and the same person who made enough of an impression to warrant mention on the blog the first time we crossed paths will happen to come into the restaurant again on one of the three shifts that I work, and the hostess will happen to seat them in my section, et voila: I get to write an epilogue.

So, what was my impression of the ethereal, full process blonde in the shirtdress from last June this July? Well, for starters, she looked a lot more human to me this time. So much so that at first, I did not recognize her. She was on a date with a cute, sorta clumsy guy, whose manners were not as good as hers. She was again very tan, had her pretty blue eyes lined heavily with make-up, and was wearing a cute, if less elegant outfit. Her bare shoulders looked very thin to me and her cheekbones even seemed a little gaunt, which at first made me feel fat, but then had me worrying if maybe she had an eating disorder and that made me feel sad.

But the hair? What about the hair??? Well, the color was the same full-process blonde, which I noticed immediately because, well, I'm writing a book about blondes and now I notice all bleaching in all forms. But it did not trigger that same sense of inferiority deep within my soul that it did last year; it did not entice me to want to be blonder. And this is why at first, I did not even recognize the blonde from last year's post. My initial impression was not "Wow, I want to be that girl." It was, "Wow, that girl's hair is showing signs of breakage and she's gonna have roots in like ten minutes." Only after waiting on the blonde formerly know as the ethereal blonde in the shirtdress for about ten minutes did I realize who she was.

Same cute girl, same cute body, similar cute outfit. Drastically different reaction from moi. So, what happened? After much analysis, I have come to this conclusion:

It's not you, full-process-blonde-in-the-shirtdress. It's me. I've changed. I've had enough of this over-processed way of life, this constant fretting over roots and hair color and how much blonder can I be. I just want my life back.

But, I'm glad you came back to Toro, and your hair seems to be working out for you. Maybe I'll see you again in a year, and we can revisit your etherealness, or lack thereof. In the meantime, good luck keeping up with those roots, and I recommend picking up a bottle of K-Pax to help with the breakage. But you're beautiful no matter what you do with the hair.

And so am I.

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