COOL TATTOOED GUY: Hey there, what can I get for you today?
He recognized me! The cool tattooed counter guy recognized me! OMG! I've been coming here for a year and he's never given me the time of day! I wonder if it's the blondeness...? Mental note: write about that in the blog. He's so cool...
ME: (Beaming) I'll have a tall dark roast and a low-fat scone, please.
COOL TATTOOED GUY: The usual...A tall dark roast and a raisin pecan roll...
OMG! He knows my "usual"! I've been coming here for almost a year and he's never known my "usual"! But look! He knows it now! He's poured my coffee..he's walking over to the pile of raising pecan rolls on the counter...Wow! But wait...I don't want my usual today...
COOL TATTOOED GUY: Oh wait, you said you wanted a low-fat scone, right? A low-fat scone, eh? Splurging today, huh?
ME: (Shrugging, Beaming) Hey, it's Friday!
COOL TATTOOED GUY: (Raising one eyebrow and giving me a funny look now) Wait a minute...so, your Friday treat to yourself is a low-fat scone? Heh...(he shakes his head a little bit)...whatever floats your boat.
No...NO, wait, that's not what I meant! Ew, that sounded so anorexic, food neurotic, and LAME! I don't only eat no-fat things all week, then splurge on low-fat things on Fridays! I eat fat things all the time! All kinds of fat things, just ask the Mathematician. Medium fat things, full fat things, the other day I ate cheese and pate for dinner and nary a vegetable. I swear! You've got to believe me!
ME: (Smiling so lamely, face bright red) Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, right?
The following Monday, while putting milk (not half n' half) into my coffee, I noticed this quote of the week posted on the chalkboard:
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
Thanks you, staff of flour, for the reality check. I'll have you know that for lunch that Friday, I ate mozzarella sticks and a smoked turkey wrap layered with cheese and dripping with so much presumably full-fat ranch dressing it would have made you proud.
And god was it good.